Paths of Gratitude

Proverbs 3:6 states, "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." The more I have made a sincere effort to recognize the Hand of the Lord in all things (whether I counted them as blessings or challenges) the more my attitude towards other people has been positively changed and uplifted, both as individuals and collectively. I began by thanking Heavenly Father for small things, as small and simple of blessings as I could recognize and count; such as, for a house, a variety of food, a pillow, a bed, carpet floors, shoes, clothes, toothpaste, q-tips. cleaners, glass windows, swinging doors, couches, electric lights, heaters/air-conditioners, ink pens, clocks, chairs, water, trees, beaches, stars, crunchy leaves, moth dust, and the list would continue on. By recognizing these things as blessings I began to feel a change in perspective. I felt (feel) the significance I felt I had as an individual in the world shrink. I felt (feel) the weight of so many blessings I did not before recognize grow, insomuch that it became difficult to imagine how I could have taken so many of these small and simple things for granted.

As I continued this practice I realize that I began thanking Heavenly Father for spiritual blessings and gifts that He has given me. As stated in Proverbs, the Lord truly began to “direct [my] paths” by revealing unto me the gifts and talents I carried. It is especially difficult to recognize our gifts and talents in a world and culture of endless competition and narrow-minded criticism. “How is my gift or talent good for anything?” “There are so many other people that can do it better than me.” “There’s nothing special or different about what I have”. These and a combination of faithless and selfish ways of rationalizing can most certainly lead us in the very direction the slothful servant took in the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:15-30). By at least striving to be grateful for what I had been given the Lord has helped me to understand that He does not expect or even want me to be the absolute best with those gifts and talents. He only requires that we take what He has given us and develop them further for the purpose of inviting His light and love in the lives of those around us.

By now my gratitude has developed into something much more intimate and personal than I had ever imagined. I had begun giving thanks to God for my challenges and weaknesses. I distinctly remember some nights where actually admitting this would hurt and feel sickening. But that fear and self-pity, every single time, has been replaced with love and understanding. I have learned that without our weakness we cannot possibly learn to become like God and overcome evil. In describing who I am I can list all of the traits, talents, and beliefs that I carry to all who ask. But it is impossible to truly reveal my character without revealing the weaknesses and severe challenges I have had to overcome and still fight to recognize and defeat. I know this scripture is commonly quoted in Latter-Day Saint culture, but it rarely can be stated in better words. “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me [or in other words, if men recognize my Hand in all the aspects of their lives], and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27, emphasis added).

This past year since last Thanksgiving has been developmentally blessed as I have continued that practice of expressing my gratitude to my Counselor and King. I have now been developing a greater discernment in seeing the true hearts of others. As my love for all the things I have recognized God has given me and surrounded me with has increased, God has slowly been pouring out this love (refined by Him) back into my heart. That love has had no other key or purpose than to be used towards others. I surely cannot claim to be a man of great love or exceptional judgment towards others. But I do recognize a steady progression towards achieving that love insomuch that I have great faith that I will be able to achieve it. My recognizing and giving thanks to God for the myriad of small and simple things has allowed me to recognize how the small and simple things in others has so much potential to be as great and even greater than God has given me to see and appreciate. How, then, can we not love one another when there is so much in them to be excited to see grow and wonderful to witness in achieving?! Certainly, more than ever, I wish to express my sincere gratitude for God’s children—all of them. I am grateful for the ones we commonly perceive as good, magnificent, and extraordinary as well as the ones we commonly perceive as bad, malicious, and mundane. We are not given the keys nor the capacity to judge the human race, yet we act like we do. Doctrine and Covenants 64:10 states that “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” Forgiving all men most certainly included those who may not have even offended us directly. It may most certainly include those who have not even existed in our lifetime whom the history books, or even scriptures, quote and brand as the most evil and worst of men. No, as I have learned to carry a greater spirit of gratitude with me I am certain that God has helped me to see that it is possible and even wonderfully uplifting to forgive all men. That very forgiveness brings us all closer to one another in so intense a love that “Satan has no power (...) for he hath no power over the hearts of the people, for they dwell in righteousness, and the Holy One of Israel reigneth” (1 Nephi 22:26).

Thanksgiving has been, and most likely always will, be my favorite American holiday strictly because it carries with its name the impression of giving thanks. It is by this principle that we learn to be more humble disciples of Jesus Christ and serve one another more effectively. It is my opinion that gratitude is the heaviest anchor and greatest manifestation of the doctrine of hope. Through the changes that have been made and the path of so much painful and wonderful change ahead of me, I bear my witness that gratitude can be the safest ship to cross the most turbulent and tumultuous seas of envy, anger, strife, entitlement, and selfishness. I know that gratitude is the most effective way to be aware of our environmental, social, psychological, and spiritual surroundings. “Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen” (Alma 26:37).

Music—The First and Last Note

"The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth."
- Doctrine & Covenants 93:36

Music is an element that every human being has been able to connect to in one way or another. It was composer Ludvig Van Beethoven who directed that "music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy", the Greek philosopher Plato who taught that "music is the movement of sound to reach the soul for the education of its virtue", and the well known writer, Maya Angelou, who wrote that "music was [her] refuge where  '[she] could crawl into the space between the notes and curl [her] back to loneliness.'"

Music in so many levels acts as an escape—a refuge for the downtrodden, the sick, and the weary of souls. But today it has become more prevalent that the minds that wander into the realms of dreams, hope, expression, and connection become comfortably lost and fail to reconnect their hearts and minds with reality.

Music has been such an intimate part of my life that it would seem impossible to describe my character without describing the transitions I have made in the music medium. My mother's choice of music was always modest and appropriate, so the impact she has had on my heart and mind is calculable. But as we all do when we grow up, I began making my own choices and those choices reflected more of the wisdom and thoughtful consideration of a teenage boy than of myself today. The point is I was as vibrant and easily influenced as the rest of my friends and surrounding peers. I felt the excitement of pop, rap, hip-hop, electronic, rock, punk, heavy-metal, etc. I regret that my mind was so easily influenced that it has skimmed well below the surface of all these genres and more. I remember straightly thinking that there really could be no better kind of music than what I had. It seemed to be able to fit every change of mood and emotion a teenager experiences in life. When the outside world and everyone around could not comprehend my inner trials and conflicts, music, no matter how harsh and explicit it can be, had me understood well.

Something would always be missing. I could only play the beats and chords of Dionysian (worldly) concern for so long until my eardrums grew bored and weary. By then it was only a matter of waiting for the "next new hit" to arrive in which it seemed everyone would conform their listening to, talk about, dance to, and criticize. Until then, I remember so well, (almost like a whisper) I would discover the realms of baroque, classical, romantic, and spiritual music theory. Listening to music as a teenager for me could very well be mentally illustrated as a room full of dominos. Each are proportioned and placed so perfectly beside one another as if to irritate the mind and tempt your impulses to knock any one over and watch the chaos unravel itself. But soon after the chaos is over and the excitement gone, you are still left unsatisfied at the mess before your eyes. The struggle between listening to good and bad music was a matter of satisfying a thirst (or need even) for conflict. I was a seesaw standing in the middle between a dependence upon the first notes of the radio and a desire to draw near the last notes of the forgotten wonders. Very much so was this in likeness to almost all stuggles I have consciously undergone.

Somewhere in the struggle I recognized and felt the need to make some very vital changes—changes in my thinking and behavior towards my life and towards all within it. The most difficult part of the process is that I did not, nor could not, fathom the influence and power that music had upon my thinking and feeling at that time. It was like trying to plant crops in the winter, swim through a rip current, or have an intimate conversation in the middle of a battlefield—the conditions I was putting myself in was in opposition to my desires. It's only recently (now) as I've been able to reflect upon those teenage experiences, that I realize why one of the very first promptings I received (after I had read the Book of Mormon for the first time) was to eliminate any and all negative influences in my life. I wasn't told what or where to begin, but as I seriously pondered upon the matter the absolute first thing that came to my mind was music.

Letting go of "bad"¹ music was and has been like cleaning an oil spill in an ocean of vast proportion. The longer I had held on and waited to let go of certain artists, songs, or even genres, the more the influence and effects would spread into various parts of my thinking. I needed to act swiftly and decisively. Initially I did. I threw away whole collections of CDs and songs that were blatantly and explicitly "bad"¹. But the most difficult part of the process was letting go of the artists and songs I didn't initially think were explicitly "bad"¹ to listen to. They leaned more towards "in-the-middle" upon the spectrum of my thinking and judgment at the time. Needless to go into further details, the changes I made at that point of my life marked the beginning of a diversity of changes I had made and continue to make now. My personality, my beliefs, my passions, my character, all of which were and are revealed, defined, discovered, and chiseled respectively, because of the choices I made and make marked by the day I decided to choose to listen to "better"¹ music.

Till this day I still struggle to make a firm judgment and decision on what I listen to. But I have come a relatively long way from merely seeking out what complimented the array of emotions, thoughts, and attitudes that were more imposed upon me to seeking that which uplifts, inspires, and edifies good, wholesome thinking. In the realm of music the question for me is no longer if whether or not what I'm listening to is "bad". The question I begin to ask myself is if there is something even better and more uplifting than what I have. It's a matter of taking the next right step. In this matter the Lord did not expect me to know immediately the kinds of music that would have a detrimentally more positive influence upon my thinking and feeling. But He did expect me to act upon the assurances I had been given—assurances that I needed to change the influences around me to conform to my inner desires lest I jeopardize my way into utter confusion and chaos. I made mention earlier in this article that the struggle between listening to good and bad music was a matter of satisfying a thirst for conflict. Listening to both seemed to quench every natural and spiritual desire I carried. It seems we all participate in this struggle in one form or another—the struggle to fulfill. But as the Lord has taught us lovingly, we can eliminate any and all unrighteous thirsts if we admit (recognize), with the judgement given to each of us, that our wants and "needs" may not be what He knows is best for us. "Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.”²

I testify that the power to change is real. The Atonement of Jesus Christ brings so much peace and understanding to the human soul. It is a gift that is offered freely unto all who are willing to partake of such blessings as the one I attempted to illustrate in this article. I can attribute many experiences and choices to my knowledge and understanding of the Savior and His teachings. But music will always be the key that marked the beginning of an onset of vital changes in my youth. It is only now, with a few years of perpective, that I am able to write about such changes with so much gratitude and joy for my Savior. I have testified, and will forever testify, that in this respect had I decided to ignore the promptings to seek out better music (and other influences) I would not have the understanding and appreciation and love for "good" music today. My brothers and sisters, the Earth is filled to the brim with treasures. There is milk and honey without price in which we all may experience and partake if we but place our faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ and OBEY the teachings and commandments He gives us. But we will miss all of these blessings and remain blind to the pearls and deaf to the melodies that inspire and carry our souls back to Him save we deny ourselves of all ungodliness and obey His word. For me, now the struggle in selecting "good" music is leaning towards choosing what is better and best amongst what I have formerly judged as merely "good". With God it is always about progression and about taking the next right step amongst the sands of eternal perspective. I know we all have the capacity to make such choices and I bear my witness that the fruits of such courage and intimate decision is sweet above all. Although they may not come immediately, they ALWAYS come at the right time. May you listen to the melodic voice of the spirit within you and have the courage to find the notes in this world that conform more and more to the righteous needs and desires of your soul, is my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.



Endnotes:

1. If you notice, I am placing the word "bad" and "better" in quotations to signify the relative meaning it held and holds with me. These were/are artists and songs that I had judged to be against the conduct and attitude I strive(d) to obtain and carry in order to triumph over personal struggles and self-inflicted pain. I am not trying to sound neutral in the matter. I stand firmly in believing that there is good and bad music just as certain as I am that there is righteous and evil works throughout all the world. But relative to the time I was making those changes and even until now, what I judge to be "bad" is guided by the allowance of the Spirit of God I invite and permit to reside within me. Others may judge differently which is acceptable to me. But my point in addressing this matter is to affirm that we will all one day stand before God and give account to the choices we had made in direct accordance to the knowledge and understanding and light we ALL have been given as tools to judge between good and evil works (including choices such as the one illustrated in this article).

2. see Moroni 10:32.
See also: “Deny Yourselves of All Ungodliness” NEAL A. MAXWELL Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Silencing The Voices

Early Saturday morning of September 22 I had an opportunity to do something I had never done before. Brigham Young University - Idaho was hosting a relay race for all students, staff, alumni, and fellow citizens to run from the Rexburg, Idaho Temple to the Idaho Falls, Idaho Temple, a race that would course through a 37.2 mile stretch. We were all given the option to form a standard team of 8, 4, or even 2 to split the legs of the race up and even out the distance between each runner. For the first time to take place here, one other man and I thought to do the whole race by ourselves.

I was originally planning on running with a group of great friends for only a 2.4 mile stretch. But as I was training for it the thought came to my mind that I had the opportunity to practice a principle I strongly believe in; that as children of God, we can do ANYTHING we put our hearts, minds, and faith towards. So, around the first mile of the first day of my training I decided to put my own words to action and run the whole race by myself. I wasn't seeking to increase my status or self-worth, nor was I attempting to find more respect from the people around me. I simply wanted to seize the opportunity to live the principles I teach and further teach what I know we all can live.

I had about three weeks to train for this race and I had NO clue how to even train for it! I am an avid runner and love the thrill of beating the ground like a stallion and breathing out fire from the lungs' furnacing energy. But I had never run more than 10 miles prior and typically find more joy in 3-5 miles routes. As the days were drawing nearer, the 37 mile race, to me, seemed to be getting longer. One week before the race I ran for just over 15 miles and I was exhausted—drained from the two hours it took me to finish that course. I had then realized that this run was going to be a much greater challenge for me mentally than it would be physically.

During that 15 mile training run I kept hearing myself trying to find an excuse to back out of actually doing it. I stopped a few times due to my knees becoming swollen and sore, I developed a case of plantar fasciitis (a muscle strain/tear in the arch of the foot), and due to the two hour length of the run my mind was growing weary and bored. In addition I kept hearing the voice of others repeating in my head that I needed to train longer and be better prepared for something as extreme as this; most people would prepare for several months just to run in a marathon (26.2 miles). I kept hearing that I would only last as far as 20 miles or that I would give into the pain in my foot or knees. But above all, the most distinguished and present voice was that of my own uncertainty of accomplishing something I had never even come close to doing before. I was stuck battling with my mind and the sincere belief that I could do it anyway—that my heart was all I needed to cross the finish line.

The relay began at 7:10 A.M. and I was already running on just four hours of sleep. Through the course of the night before I kept hearing several voices of doubt and reason clamoring in my head mixed with a small voice of will and faith—all seemingly from different parts of the same me. But now I was standing just feet away from the starting line, my headphones planted in my ears, listening to "Hope of Israel", one of my favorite running hymns. Despite the sun not even having risen yet, things were looking bright as I was well on my way.

Good uplifting music, water, and a conversation with my Heavenly Father were key elements throughout the longest stretch I've ever encountered. The good music elevated my thinking towards greater and more important things; the water not only hydrated my body but kept me feeling alive, even in pain and trial; and prayers to God—well, they were personal, but vital to every single step I took. All those voices of doubt, fear, discouragement, and uncertainty had no chance to even interfere. From the moment I took the first step it was only a matter of taking the next right step.

I ran all 37.2 miles and finished that race in 6 hours and 18 minutes, over a half-hour faster than my predicted time. It has been by far the greatest mental achievement I have seen myself accomplish thus far. People began asking me and still ask me how I did it and how I consider this more of a mental achievement than a physical one. Before I took that first step, I had to decide whether or not I was fully committed or if I would still retain those doubtful or fearful voices in my head. But I realize that the commitment had to be made far before the race even began, not at the starting line. With certainty I know that, had I waited until then to decide, the adversary himself would have had enough room in my head to stretch out his arms and legs upon every corner of my heart and mind.


I learned a valuable lesson in this race that connects directly to some thoughts I've been having about our perception of who we think we really are. I wouldn't have shared this experience at all had I not felt the prompting to expound upon this further and allow others a chance to perhaps receive enlightenment from Heavenly Father. "Who am I?" is a question the entire world as an individual struggles to understand and ask themselves more often. We are born into the world without the slightest clue of who we are or where we came from. Most of what we believe ourselves to be is what our parents, friends, and the influential people around us fed us from the time since we were toddlers until even now. When asked if we are smart, pretty, athletic, musically-inclined, thoughtful, a good listener, outgoing, perceptive, spiritual, etc. we tend to base our answers upon a plethora of conditioned responses we received our whole lives. For example, someone who has been told they are pretty their whole life may very well believe that they are pretty while someone who has been told they are ugly, or who has been neglected of constructive words, may very well believe themselves to be ugly. In our world where things contrast from black and white, we have to make judgments based upon the wisdom and heart God has given us. But I have has to ask myself, "who decides the superiority/inferiority of others?" For example, are there more physically attractive people than others? Of course! or so our perception tells us. So it seems more and more that our judgments of others must be based upon WHERE our perception lies. If our perception lies upon the things that we physically see and hear and experience (empirical input), then we should recognize that there are limitations to those perceptions just as the physical world is limited. But if our minds were to penetrate into all things eternal—the spiritual world, then all things we can see will be as they truly are. As C.S. Lewis explained, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” So maybe the question is not really so much, "who is pretty and who is not?" Maybe the question should be more guided into the realm of, "how can I find the beauty in everyone I meet?" Is it harder to find beauty in some people more than others? Of course! or so our perception tells us. We have to remember that we live in a finite world as infinite beings around us. There are millions of distractions and traps set by the adversary to lead us into being carnally minded. We have to remember that as Nephi taught "...to be carnally-minded is death, and to be spiritually-minded is life eternal" (2 Nephi 9:39). So when we depend upon other's views and perceptions of who we are to determine our identity, we play the very game that Jesus warned us about in Matthew 15:14 of letting the blind lead the blind.

What does this have to do with my 37 mile journey from Rexburg to Idaho Falls? Among the myriad of voices surrounding me, that run was all about WHOSE voice I decided I would listen to more. Before we came to this Earth we, the chosen generation by God's own hand, committed to lifting the banner of truth to all and letting our light shine before the world. We are the only generation that will NEVER again be driven backwards by the Adversary—we will move forward as we promised. So my question now leads to, "how do we move forward if we do not even know who we are?!" We cannot live to our potential if we have no idea what our potential even is! We cannot know what our potential is if we listen more to what the world and the Adversary of the world tells us and less of what God has to say. So in a very real sense, to me, life is much more about silencing the voices that surround us and tuning in to the voice of the Lord. There is no way we can wait and linger amidst public opinion in order to find our true identity; we will not last, just as I am sure I would not have had the endurance to finish what I had made a commitment to do prior to beginning my race.

Take the next right step. If you are afraid of something, doubtful about another, unsure of yourself, reluctant to call yourself a beautiful person; take the next right step and silence one voice at a time. It's not about being flamboyant or filling yourself with pride. It's about accepting the greatness that God has instilled in us! On the contrary, is it not selfish to hold back the light that He has given us from the rest of the world to see? Look at the world now; you know what they say and how well they listen. Everything is based upon finite perception and unrealistic ratings. The world limits the greatness of others, classifies, and divides. But God unleashes the greatness in every man and woman that comes unto Him, reveals the truth about His greatest creations, and unites them with and attitude and belief of triumphant joy and gratitude. Simply said—we can do ANYTHING we put our heart and minds towards. It's not about what standards and limitations the world has created, it's about how committed and willing we are to achieve something eternal and worth fighting for. I gained nothing of worldly value for running the 37.2 miles from the Rexburg temple to the Idaho Falls temple except for a few very friendly cheers and a coupon for a 4 ounce cup of frozen yogurt (I wish I weren't lactose intolerant). The motivation for me was to simply fulfill a commitment that I made between the Lord and myself--to finish what I said I would do. But the experience has opened my eyes and brought me valuable insight that I now desire to share with all who would hear my advice as a friend. I love how much the gospel is revealed to the eye of the one whose heart and mind are single to the glory and honor of God. Let us find our identity my wonderful brothers and sisters! There has been nothing in my life more rewarding and beautiful than to see the prison bars bent, the shackles broken, and the voices of the world silenced by the individual who finds his or her true identity in this very world where God's children are "tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness..." (Ephesians 4:14). We are more than that! We are more than what we believe ourselves to be! We will never be able to comprehend our eternal worth and greatness in this life—but let us NEVER EVER come close to forgetting it!

To finish my thoughts I share with you the words of Helaman with some of my own words in order to fit the context of what I am trying to say: "And now, my [brothers and sisters], remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when [he shall demean your inner beauty, make it unacceptable to share your light and goodness, counterfeit giving glory and honor to God for the greatness you have inside of you with pride, and constantly reminds you how limited and incapable you are], [he] shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery, [depression, self-pity, and feelings of inferiority], because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men [and women] build they cannot fall." -Helaman 5:12. I find it very unique that the race I participated in began at a temple and ended at a temple—one divine location to another. Likewise each of us began our lives with our Heavenly Father and, though the stretch may be long, it will shape us to learn and become more like the edifice we all aspire to be near that we may feel God's presence. But I hope the world can better feel the presence of God when they are near each of us because we remembered who we are and began living our potential.

More and more I am coming to understand that with the blessings and gifts God has given me and the commitments I have made to Him before I came here, I am becoming a small and humbled instrument in His hands to help my brothers and sisters remember their self-worth and divine potential. I testify of all these words, that are true according to my own account and the knowledge the Holy Spirit of God has revealed to me, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

God Loves His Children

As I was descending the final steps towards leaving the beautiful country of Brazil and returning home after a two-year missionary service, I had one distinct question in my mind: "What did I learn?" Almost immediately as the question came one of the most spiritual experiences overcame my senses and my vision flushed as I heard the words "God loves His children". Almost simultaneously I heard the same voice telling me to learn to love His children too and I would be blessed. Since that February of 2011 my mission ended and began all over again with new people and new places.

I am immensely grateful to be a part of Brigham Young University-Idaho. With all the boldness and conviction of my heart I would not trade receiving my education here for any other university in the world (and that is not stated with complete ignorance to the prestigious universities/colleges of our time). I have been a student here for merely a year and have almost instantly perceived the quality of education we are receiving as well as the immensity of opportunity to grow as a leader and a more faithful disciple of Jesus Christ. But for me, above all the blessings I have thus far received, nothing has compared to the experience of creating, developing, and cultivating relationships amongst one another as peers, students, and as brothers and sisters. As I continue to meet different people and exchange ideas, thoughts, passions, interests, beliefs, stances, experiences, the very words of the Lord that I heard the day I was leaving my mission echoes in my heart, “God love’s His children”. And as this conviction has unfolded in my own heart and mind, I have sincerely begun to love His children more and more in Christ-like ways. The Lord blesses me for it and strengthens my soul in my personal efforts to do and be better.

I have experienced solitude, depression, hopelessness, frustration, anger, and the bitterness/loneliness of being cast alone just as many of the people around me. But EVERY SINGLE DAY I am learning how important relationships are for us, not just as human beings, but as heirs and heiresses to God. If relationships are eternally significant then we can most definitely conclude that communication is the bridge in which those relationships are sparked and formed. Those who know me well enough around campus have probably heard me recommend they take a communications class (specifically on interpersonal theory) that they may become better communicators. It is because I sincerely believe that it is the means for which we develop relationships with one another that we may better be able to fulfill the commandment God gave to us to love one another. With that being said, I must make a significant note that because communications were severed and interfered with, the Tower of Babel was not only no longer able to be completed but nations, kindreds, and tongues were born into the world. If one were to really think about it, the majority (if not all) the wars, perplexities, and conflicts of friends, families, states, and nations began and endured because of a problem with communication. This tells us how vital it is that we develop the correct tools and instruments to become better at sending and receiving messages one unto another.

As I study more of the news reports, political debates, commercial and media angles, and what types of things consume our time most on a daily basis, I grow concerned primarily for my future family and secondly for the people whom I have grown to love more through spending time with them (friends and family). But I also marvel in gratitude at the opportunity we will all have to use our creativity, ingenuity, intelligence, and discernment to guide our families and communities in marvelous ways. We are living in a time where we can no longer stand on middle ground and remain complacent about the world and it’s whirlwind of ideas and doctrine. We can no longer simply “go with the flow” and follow the standards of education, for example, that our communities and society sets. We have to come together and not only fight for the righteous values and standards the Lord has set, we have to create alternatives and solutions to open up doors for those who seek after righteous blessings. For example, as I was thinking about what kinds of things I would allow my children to watch as they grow in their lives, I thought how destructive, mindless, and uneducated the entertainment of our days are becoming. But instead of complaining about this or censoring everything they come across, I thought how unique and creative it would be if groups of righteous people would begin to make better quality movies and shows to compete in the market of “bad ideas”, at least giving some the choice to watch good, wholesome entertainment. It’s one simple idea, but an example of how we have to become more proactive and seekers of righteous living as opposed to simply waiting or expecting blessings to be delivered to us based out of entitlement.

I am grateful to be living in our time and to have been taught the gospel of Jesus Christ. Of course like all of you I cannot admit to living a perfectly righteous life and even to the expectations I have had for myself. But I have grown more satisfied and happy with my personal efforts and faith to continue to push forward and look to the Light of our Redeemer. Life is meant to teach us to be happy, not after we die, but now. But we cannot expect to learn such principles on our own when each and every one of us are like tiny puzzle pieces to God’s grand design; we must learn to interconnect and bond with one another as brothers and sisters no matter our lifestyles, beliefs, ideas, appearances, or views. We must learn to embrace all truth and seek for the truth in others, for we are all God’s children, heirs of Truth itself. We must learn to develop the light and gifts given to us by seeking and acting upon opportunities to change and better the world around us instead of expecting it to change merely because we demand it to. And most of all, we must learn to cultivate love in our hearts by choosing actively to spend time with the people around us. Man’s creations are magnificent in the respect that they were all inspired truths developed by the talents and gifts of men. But man/woman is God’s greatest creation, so we should spend a little more time with His masterpiece and less time with man’s. I write this with much love and hope for my brothers and sisters in this wonderful world and do so in the name of our Creator, Jesus Christ, amen.

Freedom Is Not Free

What makes us different and unique amongst one another? I believe it is the degree and direction our hearts are pointed. I still do not understand it, but I feel deep inside my heart the drumming of war, the sharpness of swords, the cries of freedom, and the triumph of victory. If you could only imagine having the swelling motions of victory crying out for the oppressed as a young child, I wouldn’t be surprised if you thought to interpret yourself a soldier and fighter for peace. If you continued to follow your heart’s calling as the eyes of the downtrodden looked to you as a leader and you joined the military to fight for their cause, I would think of you as noble and courageous. If in the most gruesome of wars your heart shouts to stand in the middle and erect the banner of truth and light, putting your life before others, I wouldn’t be surprised to see that flag still standing. Conflict scathes us all and brings out the worst and best we have to give. But do we have to wait for battle to be tested, though we are in a war?

Before we came to earth we were in the middle of the war that began all wars—the war between Satan and Christ, freedom and bondage, good and evil. This could not have been a war of swords and shields, for, we were spirits and could not be slain. We fought with words, with teachings, with principles, and with power and authority. But in our spirits is a heart that governs the direction we go regardless of the conflicts about us. Some of us fought more valiantly than others (on either side) and some did more to shun away and avoid the tenacity of battle. In this great conflict hearts were misguided and even lost forever in darkness. Ultimately Satan and his followers lost the battle and were cast down from God’s land, even heaven, forever. As we celebrated and triumphed over the victory we all understood that the war was still not over—we had to finish it on Satan’s territory, even hell itself. So we came to earth, Adam leading before us, Christ slaying the dragon and death itself, and us driving Satan and his army back to outer darkness forever. We are tested everyday where on the battle front we stand. But do we have to wait for battle to be tested, though we are in a war?

It is imperative that we understand what the meaning of freedom really is in that we are able to make personal choices without compulsion. Compulsion is defined as the action or state of being forced to do something. One of the defining differences between God and Satan is exactly that God allows us the agency/freedom to make our own choices while Satan attempts furtively to force us to do his will. If we mix these two together, we can be sure to be lost and confused for the entire duration of this war(which often is the case with the apathetic). Knowing this we only have to ask ourselves if we truly desire to be free, if we desire to be in bondage, or if we do not care at all (in which case the latter leads directly to being put under bondage anyway). I am certain the majority (if not all) of us desire freedom and do not want to be in bondage. The question then lies with how we fight to obtain it. Freedom is not free; it is bought with a price. We cannot be naive to our situation; surrounding all of us are the forces and hosts of the enemy thirsting for our blood, waiting to test us to see if we really want to be free. But do we have to wait for battle to be tested, though we are in a war?

Apathy is the worst kind of death there is. Instead of dying and letting your body nurture the soil of the earth, you continue to walk as a decaying corpse of lifeless values. It is also easier (for me) to love someone who hates me than someone who cares about nothing. A man caught in the bind and web of jealousy and hatred can be freed. But tell me, how do you free a man who voluntarily walks as though his hands and feet are shackled, yet, there are none? How do you shake a man loose from the web of lies and deceit that surround us all when he couldn’t care less if he were caught in it or free from it? How do you motivate a man to care when he doesn’t even care to care? Today is Independence Day, but I fear that we have grown more accustomed to celebrating this holiday with barbecue, games, and fireworks rather than understanding what it means to be free. We speak of freedom and profess our love for it, but our words grow dry as the true meaning remains in the blood of sacrifice. We do not have to join the military and give our lives to understand freedom (in fact I am afraid that even some of our soldiers are beginning misunderstand it); we only need to participate in the battle. But do we have to wait for battle to be tested, though we are in a war?

It’s not on this day we should remember the blessings of freedom, it’s everyday. I’m sure we have heard the saying that a man doesn’t know what he has until he loses it. But we don’t have to wait to lose our freedom; we don’t have to wait for the battle to come to us. If we do wait, it will be too late. We are in a war and we do not have a choice about that. But we can choose where we will stand already knowing that Christ and His royal army will stand victorious in the end. “Choose you this day whom ye will serve: … but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15) and be free. It’s not enough to love freedom, we have to crave it and breathe it in. Without going into unnecessary detail I only bid that we remember that some of the greatest nations in the world fell merely because they took for granted their freedoms and allowed pride to satisfy that hunger. Fight! There is not other way. Make the choices you deem necessary that you may stand in peace in the midst of this war. I testify that one cannot understand freedom without being set free first (through the Atonement of Jesus Christ). One cannot be set free until he sees himself in bondage. One cannot see himself in bondage until he recognizes the war. One cannot recognize the war without choosing to do so. I love my country and for what it stands. I will always be a soldier in God’s army because I KNOW what freedom feels like. Let us not wait for the battle to come to us (because it will whether we want it to or not); let us unite ourselves in the very cause that bred this mighty nation under God, even the United States of America!

To Find A Man

“Are you ready?” he asked. I wonder if he realized the pain and chasms that question would create in my mind. I sat on the bench in my locker both anxious and excited for the attention soon to be drawn towards me while squirming into my white jumpsuit. The fluttered energy of the children outside made me want to go out and play with them more, but my daddy’s gaze was serious and I knew I had to stay. This concept of baptism was as foreign to me as was the bathroom we were in. I knew every crevice and climbable object inside of the church’s edifice. It had been my playground and world to search and hide whenever and wherever I wanted. But I never had before seen this part of the bathroom and it made me feel uncomfortable. The gushing water coming from the font next door trickled my senses and I figured I must have been standing with a spacious look long enough for my dad’s face to twist impatiently. “Pull up your zipper, they’re waiting”. I did as I was asked still wanting to go outside and play with the rollie-pollies, chase the birds, and smash play-dough in all the cracks. Yet, inside I felt strangely that I should follow close behind dad and do as I was asked. My fingers were bending and twisting between my hands, but my feet continued stepping down into the pool of warm water to join my father. I couldn’t tell if the pressure I was feeling was coming from all those around me noticing my obvious discomfort or from the water around me squeezing into my jumpsuit. The world, as I once knew it, was washing away and before I could object or comprehend what was happening I was plunged deeply into silence.

Walking back up the stairs before my father, the water that filled my tiny jumpsuit came splashing before my feet. Nearing my locker I could sense the footmarks I left behind me were bleeding with the colors of the world I once knew. A child paints a picture splattering paint onto the white walls of his understanding, and, before he is ready to fathom the colors before him, the grown-ups destroy it. Yet, amidst the utter confusion and chaos playing in my mind, my fingers were no longer bending and twisting between my hands. As I stripped myself of my waterlogged clothes the weight I was feeling dropped to the floor in a thudding echo. That echo reminded me of the peace I was feeling despite all of the new emotions that were exploding inside my mind. When I was beneath the surface of the water in the grasp of my daddy’s strong arms the whispers and thoughts around me was cut to sudden silence. For two seconds I could not even hear my own voice screaming. I remember seeing in my mind that the rollie-pollies outside stopped crawling and the birds stopped trying to fly away from my tiny reach. It was as if they were telling me to stop struggling and to listen. I did listen and I heard, in the utter silence of the world beneath that water’s surface, a reassuring voice that everything would be okay. Now, as I pulled on my dry underwear and grabbed my church clothes I could see my father dressing himself just as silently as I was. All I could hear was the ruffling of our clothes bouncing off the walls of the bathroom, whispering peace into my new mind. My father stepped out and I followed behind him.

As the years raced by and it was no longer considered “cool” in our family to sing happy birthday, I kept thinking about that question my father asked me at eight years of age. “Are you ready?” It seemed like a whip he used to control me despite my tenacity to break free and do whatever I wanted to. When the sun was highest and the sky fully blue he would ask my brothers and I to get ready to go work with him at the construction site. When it was more important to us to beat King Koopa with Mario and Luigi than to get ready for church he would get angry. When playing football would bring more friends and attention than doing my homework, he would remind me what priorities mean. But the moment he asked me if I was ready to leave home for two years and serve the Lord on a mission, my world plunged back underwater and I was as silent as I had been the moment I walked out of the baptismal font years before. This time it was a question I knew would come but had hoped or waited for the day to remain in the “tomorrow” scheme. I remember reading from U.S. President Lincoln that “one cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today”. His words were echoing against the walls of my bedroom as I sat thinking about my father’s question once again. I wanted to go outside with my iPod and go running or escape to my friend’s house where I was never harassed about my choices. But as I heard the engine of the neighbor’s car starting, I realized I must have appeared completely apathetic to my father who was still standing by my bedroom door. He walked away and I remember feeling so trapped and angry inside as I struggled to comprehend what it was he was asking me. I wanted to scream at him to help me to understand but instead my eyes swelled up and water began crashing down before my feet.

As I stepped off the plane from an almost eighteen hour trip, I grabbed my luggage and began looking for my family. I had an idea of how the reunion would be because my two older brothers have left for two years and came back also. But part of me did not want to see them. I felt as though my heart was still beating on the seat of the airplane that was getting fueled up and ready to return to Brazil. I could hear the overwhelming feelings of anticipation as loved ones were departing and reuniting echoing with the customer service personnel calling out flight times and destinations. The echoes, though loud, brought peace to my mind and I continued to walk forward. I didn’t know what to expect seeing my family once again, but I could feel the pressure building around me as I pictured what they would think of me noticing my obvious discomfort. I knew I wouldn’t be crying like my two older brothers before me had; I just didn’t understand why. I had learned and grown so accustomed to portraying my deepest thoughts and emotions in the letters I wrote home that I didn’t think I would have the capacity to show them how much I cared for each of them. I stepped on the escalator and began descending below the surface of the world around me. I saw my family all grouped together so calmly. They all looked at me as if to say, “stop struggling and listen”. I listened and I heard a reassuring voice that everything would be okay. As I looked into my father’s eyes and embraced, I could hear him asking me, “are you ready?” He grabbed my suitcase and walked out the airport doors into the chaos and confusion of the world. I followed behind him finally understanding what he meant.

Mind Wars

A friend inspired me to share the following and I decided to share it on here:


"We write not because we want to, but because we have to…”
-W. Somerset Maugham. 


We start out in life wanting to fit in with the crowd and see/understand everything that they see. The more we have in common, the more we feel understood. But then there are writers—risk-takers. There are those willing to admit that they simply don't see the same things as those around them. But we grow up afraid to share those things for fear of being the outsider—for fear of being rejected. At the same time our souls are in conflict because the knowledge we have of our perceptions are not meant for us alone, they never were. They were meant to be shared and deep down we know that. We want more than anything for others to know and see what we see, so we write. We write at least to release the pressure of unshared feelings and perceptions building in our hearts. We write because at least in the end we hope that someone will understand us. The human being, in all it's phenomenon, desires to be loved and understood, and even in the end, to be able to love like the Father who always loved him/her.


I felt impressed to share a little about how I understand the mind to works in regards to happiness. I sincerely hope that as you read this you will realize how much happiness is a mental choice and not a force imposed upon us according to our circumstances. "...let virtue garnish thy thought unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God..." (Doctrine & Covenants 121). When you think about it, the ONLY way Satan can get to us is through our eyes and ears. What we see and what we hear are input paths that lead directly to our minds. As our minds process the information we receive it passes though to our hearts to be reassessed and evaluated. Do you remember a time when you felt very afraid? Perhaps when you were a child you were too afraid to go into that dark room or closet by yourself. Why? What was it about the dark, for example, that instigated fear that seemed to fill our whole bodies and spread like goosebumps? Here is a better question; why are we STILL afraid of the dark? Fear is not a forced feeling; it is a choice we make when the shadows of our mind cover our understanding.

There are probably a fair amount of people who argue that they are no longer afraid of the dark, but the truth is EVERY person on earth is. I am not speaking of the physical darkness that prevents our eyes from seeing what's before us, I am speaking of the conceptual/spiritual darkness that prevents us from seeing what's before us—the darkness that is in our MINDS. It is the UNKNOWN! A child is typically afraid of the dark because his or her mind is young and inexperienced. He or she does not know what is in that dark area and is therefore afraid to enter. Typically speaking, as we grow and gain knowledge and experience, we become less afraid/lose our fear of the physical darkness around us because we can now infer what may be hiding in the shadows. Even though our eyes still cannot see through physical darkness, the light of knowledge acquired in our minds illuminates the unknown before us.


"We have nothing to fear but fear itself", said Franklin D. Roosevelt. I don't think he understood completely what he was talking about when he declared this to the whole United States nation, but there is a solid truth to what he is actually saying. Satan's only power over us is that crippling feeling called FEAR. That's it! He cannot force us to think, say, or do anything! What an amazing power the body we have been given has! So if Satan can only attack us with fear, WHERE do you think his aim is at? Where is the central power and control located in our bodies? Our minds! And remember, the only input to our minds is through what we see and what we hear (I am disregarding the other basic human senses for now). So, we know what Satan's weapon is, and we know where he attacks with it, but how do we prevent it in a world that is constantly instigated by fear?

After reading and understanding about the fall of Adam and Eve, I am certain that part of our fallen state includes the instillment of fear in our minds. Our memory has been erased, or more clearly spoken, veiled, insomuch that we must begin our lives in the dark (with no knowledge). "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path" (Psalms 119:105). We are taught constantly to read the words of the Lord, but why? Words are a form of communication that enters our minds and paves paths of knowledge piercing into the dark unknown of the world—the unknown, the unheard of, the impossible, the unseen, the unexplainable. But there is also a kind of knowledge that merely does the exact same thing, only paving us into directions that lead us to misery and pain. In fact, there is only one of the numberless paths out there that leads to eternal happiness and peace. To overcome fear we must understand and accept the diverse kinds of fear within ourselves—we must understand who we are and accept our weaknesses as stated in Mosiah 3:19.


Here is where it gets very interesting. I have problems and weaknesses that have long crippled my true character and strengths. This past few years I have been taking actions that I have never focused on doing before going on a mission. I have been focusing on strengthening, creating, and developing relationships all around me. My mind has had less time to focus on myself and my own problems while I took the necessary time to develop relationships with those around me. It has brought the scripture, Luke 9:24, to life for me. I literally have lost myself in focusing on the Lord's Work (which work is primarily about relationships, incidentally; Moses 1:39). As my focus has been more and more directed toward others, so have my thoughts. The fears that I have had about people and who they really are have subsided and I have began seeing them as children of God with divine potential. What has stopped me from doing this before? The fear of letting go of myself and all the self-pity that came with it. The more I am amazed at the design God has branded in each of His children, the more He reveals who I am.


I realize that it sounds as though I have taken a bit of a twist in relation to what I have been talking about before, but it very much has to do with fear. I am going to repeat the quote I have of Marianne Williamson in a previous blog and explain further:


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


We are afraid of fear and so we do not confront it. Fear is in us so we fail to confront ourselves and really think WHAT it is we are afraid of. Because darkness and light coincide in us we are in a constant state of battle and conflict. But as Marianne Williamson stated, our biggest fear is the fear to be ourselves. We are the "noble and great ones" that were shown unto the prophet Abraham thousands of years ago (Abraham 3:22). The light in us frightens us because we just do not yet comprehend how GREAT that light is and where it comes from. How wonderful it truly is to be given the gift of agency, that we may choose to reject our evil nature and pursue the light within us, to follow the Holy Ghost!


There is so much more I can write pertaining to this subject matter; I have been thinking about it for a very long time. But I will only share, in conclusion, a few examples of how we can control our minds and invite light into them that we may not be afraid or confused. 1.) Study the true gospel of Jesus Christ from standard works. They are written in the most pure form we can understand in our current state and direct our minds to positivity of faith, hope and charity. 2.) Pray ALWAYS. We overlook too much what prayer actually does in our lives. Prayer helps us to not only direct our thoughts to the Lord and reject any evil or doubt in our minds, but it also helps us to learn the principles of proper and effective communication with our Father in heaven. This, in turn, allows us to communicate better with ourselves which helps us to understand ourselves better which allows us to know what our potential is which permits us to grasp on the hope (light) in ourselves and not focus on our shortcomings. 3.) Have faith. This means to pursue the unknown with optimism and trust that the Lord will provide understanding in His own time. We are children of God! Ours is the inherited potential to do and be anything we want to be. Let us believe in ourselves and reject the negative thoughts that Satan seeks to instill in our minds. Fear is not a a power forced upon us; it is a choice. Choose the path where He walks...

How To Make A Memory

Looking back I know I've had a rough childhood. I cannot make a precise contrast to the past of those around me, but to me I feel that I have had to encounter certain challenges that no child should have to even worry about, not at the age of innocence.

I was doing my laundry today and reminiscing about the joys of being a child. For the most part as I look back I distinctly recall the endless memories of joy I have felt as a child. But I had to ask myself, "how is it that I remember so much good amidst so much pain and hardship I have had to deal with?" A strong emotion with a wave of memories flooded my heart and mind; it was all of my mother.

I am the middle child of seven in my family, so it is very understandable that my parents struggled to divide their time equally amongst each and every one of us. As children typically do we all craved for attention–for nourishment and to be loved. There is a myth that the middle child is typically the one to be given the least amount of attention. Whether this is true or not I do not know. But I do know that in my family I was given special attention from my mother and for that reason I now realize we share a strong mortal connection with one another.

I would rather not share the details of the childhood nightmares I've had to encounter, but suffice it for me to say that I possessed differences amongst my peers that, as a result, created a barrier of communication between them and I. But mom, she always seemed to understand me–why I acted and said the things I did, why I had too much energy to sit still in class and church, why I had to go to the doctors all the time, why I needed to sit in special-ed classes and learn how to read/study well, why I was constantly picked on by others. I remember moments when she cried helplessly wondering what to do with me or how to help me. I remember knowing she was sad, but I didn't understand why; I had my own reasons for being sad. Yet, amidst the sadness I felt as a child, I cannot recall ever not feeling loved by my mother.

As I was thinking heavily in the laundry room about how much mom has sacrificed for me and how much she made me feel loved and important, my eyes watered up. More importantly because of her love and special attention for me I now have a reservoir of photographic memories shared between our mortal souls. I remember when I must have only been about 2-3 years of age and I was sleeping in my crib. I was wearing red pajamas, the kind that are like jumpsuits and cover your feet. My two older brothers and older sister had already gone to school and mom had stood by my crib to wake me up. She brushed her soft hand on my cheek and called my name. I also remember the things she would tell me to motivate me to accept my differences–reading me stories of certain people, like Thomas Edison, who have had to overcome personal struggles like my own and became great in the end. I remember distinctly the car-drives to the doctores and how mom would rub my back or head to calm me down; then, afterwards she would treat me to McDonalds or to get an ice cream cone. Memories are what keep me from turning back; dreams are what keep me moving forward. But as I broaden my perspective looking back into the years in which I have grown and overcome many of those challenges–as I look back now as a mature man–those memories seem so far away.

While looking out the window of the laundry room I saw a man busily talking on his cell phone, cars passing by to get some place in a hurry, people walking with preoccupied looks and stressed facial expressions. I could not help but ask myself, "what happened to the memories? Why is it the further back I look the more the memories I have; and, as I trace my memories back to the present the memories are only clustered in certain special moments or events–the first time I was invited to a birthday party, my first day in middle school, the first time I kissed and fell in love with a girl, the day I got my mission call to go to Brazil, etc." I realized that the older and busier we get, the more we forget–the more we lose sight of the daily moments we saw as children and look for tomorrow to save us of our grief, loneliness, pain, worries, and stress. Like the individuals I was observing outside the window, I realized that I too have become so drenched in my own problems that the chance to live in the moment was slipping every second of the day.

How to make a memory. That question still repeats in my head till this very hour that I decided to share this. For those who may be wondering how we can have more blissful memories or how to create them, I have simply traced my mind back to when I was a child and found the answer for myself. In my childhood mind I don't remember ever having to worry about myself too much. As I reiterated before, the love I felt from my mother clothed me with warmth and comfort in every needed moment. But as I grew and developed a mind of my own I started to forget to wear that love around me and began to feel the nakedness of self-consciousness and worry. Those years of metaphoric nakedness have merely become trapped beneath a shadow of unhappy memories and painful mistakes–the types of things we usually like to forget or try to. But occasionally as I grew from boy to man I would remember the kind of love my mother gave me and clothe myself in it, utterly forgetting the pain, stress, and self-consciousness I attempted as substitutes; it was in those moments that memories were created.

IT IS LOVE THAT WETS OUR BRUSHES AND PAINTS AWAY THE SORROWS AND CARES OF AN ADULT LIFE! When we were children we were surrounded by love for that is all we thirsted for. Now I must ask, what is it we thirst for now? To be socially accepted? To escape the realms of reality into a "high"? To increase the amount of friends within our circle and feel secure about ourselves? To have attention/be acknowledged? What do we thirst for the moment we wake up to the moment we close our eyes and dream? Why has social media become so addicting? Why do we typically conform to the way others around us think, do, and feel? I tell you, why is it that we make so many mistakes and cannot seem to forget them?

Memories are made in the moments we remember to love or to feel loved. I must boldly declare that we are all still children in our hearts because deep down we STILL thirst to feel loved as we always were and are. But we have forgotten to search for that love and where to find it. That is the quest we must surely remember to take and endure to the end no matter what. For those who are Latter-Day Saints and/or have read The Book of Mormon, I believe this is EXACTLY the point illustrated in Lehi's vision of The Tree of Life where the tree represents the love of God, "the most desirable above all things" (1 Nephi 11:22). In that word 'desirable' implies a need, a thirst that we ALL possess. We are all cursed to feel hungry and thirsty so long as we are mortal. No matter how many times we eat and drink, hunger and thirst remain our most persistent enemies and most loyal friends. How do we make a memory? We fill our hearts and minds with the Love of God.

Valentines Day

Many of us seem to agree that being single, or "forever alone", is not the happiest a person can be. We think that it is only when we are together with someone that we can truly touch and taste heaven. I agree with this in certain degrees but not all. Especially as members of the Church we slowly begin to trap ourselves in the process of thinking that "because I am not with somebody or married, I am not truly happy". Does this sound like the kind of man or woman God wants to make of us? People cannot make us happy no matter how much they inspire us, uplift us, and love us. We are broken and flawed creatures with the innate capacity to hurt, disappoint, and fail one another. If a couple were to look to love one another even with the most sincere intentions, their love would eventually wane like the phasing moon. The light from the moon does not come from the moon itself but reflects it from the sun. Likewise love does not come from inside our human souls, it comes from the Son, even the Light and Savior of the world. We CHOOSE to let that light enter into our souls and enLIGHTEN our whole being. We can even choose to let that light shine into the souls of those who open up to us and embrace us (Matthew 5:16). But I don't believe you can make someone happy no matter how hard you try. Happiness is a choice we ALL make individually. With the light of Christ in us we can learn to inspire, uplift, and love people even unconditionally, but their happiness as well as our own depends centrally upon the Master and God of Love. So this Valentines Day and for the rest of this life dwell not upon how unhappy "I am" because of a lack of somebody else's absence in "my" life or because of their mistakes and shortcomings; let us rather pray that our souls be worthy to contain the magnitude and sheer power of God's love within that we may thence shine outward and inspire those who so stand in need. Then will they be given a clearer choice and opportunity to turn their hearts to the Master, Source, and true God of Love that they, like we, be happy in Him. 

I know that happiness is not so much a state of feeling as it is a choice of living. I also know that we would be foolish to not yet realize that no matter how much we or other people try, we cannot be happy by or through someone else. Remember the parable of the Ten Virgins, how the five who were unprepared had not oil in their lamps (note that they were single/unmarried). This oil can represent the individually accumulated choices that brought about the personal happiness of each virgin. Don't you think that in order to even perceive and be with the Master, Source, and God of Happiness they needed to BE happy themselves regardless of their relationship status? Thus in order to be prepared we too must make choices every day of our time on earth that will bring us closer towards happiness. Choosing to date, court, and marry someone is important and a vital step towards fulfilling the Plan that our Heavenly Father has for us, but we would be missing it all if we continued to make the mistake of focusing our being happy only through wanting or trying to get what we don't have.  It's what we DO have! President Kimball stated that "we (as Latter-Day Saints) should be the happiest people on Earth because of how richly blessed we are". So I propose that if you are tempted to even joke about what you don't have, such as having a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a spouse, try to find that tiny hole within yourself and make a choice that will fill it with the love of Christ. He has taught us to "labour not for the meat that perisheth (people, riches, power, prestige, recognition, boyfriends/girlfriends, degrees, etc.), but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which [He] shall give unto you (...)". (John 6:27) He has also taught us that He is "the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread he shall LIVE forever: and the bread that [He] shall give is [His] flesh, which [He] will give for the life of the world." (John 6:54) So let us labour to lay down our sins and personal desires and choose to fill the gaps and holes in our souls by partaking of this bread. I know that the ingredients for this bread are all of the teachings and commandments of Jesus Christ. Let Valentines day be a day for us to personally remember that we don't need someone else to make us be happy, we need Him! Let it be a day to remember that our happiness stems from the labor of bringing others towards the God of Love and Happiness, "for behold, this is [His] work and [His] glory (His happiness)—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life (and happiness) of man" (Moses 1:39, emphasis added). So whether we be single, in complicated situations, dating, married, or hoping for any of that to happen, Happy Valentines Day my friends and be happy! :)

My First Step

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

To those who are reading this and may wish to know me better, I thank you. It is love that draws our interest one to another and ties us together as one; I boldly declare that. I am not saying that you are here because you love me, but I am suggesting that if love is not your reason, what is? Alas, this is my blog and it is here that I wish to record my thoughts, feelings, desires, dreams, etc. I only wish to restate that I know and believe we are ALL one, that love is the twine that connects us, and, that twine...well...is formed when we communicate.

I love to write; I feel more understood and a greater understanding of the world around me. I once read that "a [writer] has a better memory for things of the spirit. He [or she] can hold fast to an emotion and an idea until they are firmly and clearly embodied in words". I do not consider myself an eloquent verbal communicator, but through keeping a journal since my childhood I have escaped into a realm of thinking and reasoning that has most shaped my character today.

As my writing has helped me to find my desires and ambitions it has become more directed toward the greatest ambition I have of all - my future posterity. Slowly over time my thoughts and desires written in my journal has become more and more filtered into letters and words I feel most important for my future posterity to know and less of the "unimportant" parts of my life. Of course the small steps you take to reach the top of the mountain are the most important; however, when you are teaching a fellow hiker what the way up to the top is you don't explain every single step you took to get there. You simply give him or her the most important advice you can and allow him or her to take his or her own steps and gain the experience of his or her own journey.

I decided to begin writing in a blog to simply write about the very steps I take in this life - the imperfect small steps I take throughout my life. Because the thoughts I record in my journals are considered sacred to me, I thought I would allow these thoughts to be published for those who wish to enter into my realm of thinking. I am not trying to stand out or create a special persona of myself, rather, I feel it is my duty and, even my desire, to share my perception of the life that we all share together. My thoughts will now become your thoughts and my dreams your dreams as I paint for you the song of my heart and the colors of my thinking. I do not wish to convince anyone that what I write, say, think, reason, or feel is superior in any way to those around me. I am a firm believer that we were ALL created equal. But an artist is unsuccessful if he or she does not gently put to sleep the reality in which the recipient lives and open the door to the reality in which he or she breathes in. We ALL have a different and unique way in viewing life, and, at the same time we are trying to discover its true meaning. Well, here is what it means to me...